Oi Oi Oi....

There are some people out there reading this who know me really well, hello. There are people who I have met for the first time today. If you are the revolution girls, I hope something bad happens to you, if you're Hugo, hello, you have a wicked name, embrace it with a name badge. There are of course people who don't know me at all.

For those of you who don't know me at all, there is a certain thing about me, well a certain person or group of people who i worship. He to me is the best, most important, most significant person in the history of all mankind, no i'm not being all up myself and talking about myself.

Have you guessed who it is yet?

Sodje, and he was next on my list of people who I simply had to write a letter to.

Now a few years ago, i would have gone into this head first. Asking a 'friend' to get the exact address, so that my letter would land on sodje's welcome mat. Well times have changed and the old John Kirby is much more suseptable to doing rash things than the Newer more shiney John Kirby.

So I wrote it to Brentford Football Club, knowing full well they knew who to send it onto.

A more mellow way of writing.

So there I was, Tony Blair in his bermuda shorts in one hand, Tunnocks caramel bar in the other, happy as I possibly would be if I just found out my new neighbours just happened to be the Sodje's when it struck me... Tunnocks caramel bars.

I've eaten these things all my life, way back to when my nan used to give me one when I went round to see her. They are possibly the nicest chocolate bar in the world, and I think it was about time that I paid them a little visit via the gift of the old pen and paper variety.

But what could I write to them about? I could tell them that my nan has probably kept their factories open the last twenty years, I could tell them how much I loved them, or I could tell them that their wrapper had always confused me.

It confused me because it had 4,000,000 made and sold on it since i bought it, the numbers never changed. And I didn't know whether it meant 2 million made then sold equalling 4 million or 4 million made then sold. I decided that my letter should incorporate all of the above.

I back dated my letter by a day, not wanting to look like all I had done the last few days had been watch cricket and began my rather nice letter to the lovely people at tunnocks, they were going to love this.

A few days later....

A few days later, I had successfully posted all my letters, knowing all to well, that Q, NME, FHM and Tony Blair would be opening my letters today! I was very excited. The idea that the nations leader would today be opening a letter from me John Kirby, and would help me with my future endeavours.

I took a caramel bar to work, and like most of us always do there, studied the newspapers before the first customers made their way for the first pint of pale of the day.

Imagine my joy when I discovered that Tony Blair, on thursday the 11th of august, would have the pleasure of reading my letter, on HOLIDAY!

I clearly felt I was making people happy, and I was happy, I was sure I had my first confirmed 'hit' and he was reading it in comfort.

It was now time to make more people happy. It was time for another letter....

Use your imagination....

Just how many full address can you think of off the top of your head?

Do it now....

Me, my dad, a few old places i've lived in, my nan, and a few friends, but only 3 postcodes.

Ok so my memory might be rubbish, but i'm sure there are more like me, with a freakishly poor memory. So you want to write more letters, but you can't remember any such addresses which are any good....

So work upwards if you see what i mean, think of a place where you know the general area and if you put it on the address, everyone including postmen are bound to know where you mean.

Who did you think of (Leave a comment) ???

It was probably one of these people. The Queen, Tony Blair or George W Bush. All big famous houses you can't get mixed up with anywhere.

This is who i chose.

Sorry for the layout, I guess i'm still but a novice.

Three is a charm....

I was now on a roll of letters. Not literally, I wasn't actually sitting on a rather large roll of letters which I had previously written. I had two in the bag and I wanted to write more. It was lunch now at the cricket I had spent the last hour and a half writing my letters, and I had FHM in the bag, and i was about to have FHM in the bag if you see what I mean.

Here is my third letter. After this I would be on my own, no magazines, no addresses secretly hidden anywhere, just me and my imagination. I hoped in a way that like the fruit who lives at number 12 my imagination would take me nowhere but back to bed, but it all went kind of wrong, but i'm sure you will read all about it as I tell the story of my letters!

I Just couldn't let it lie...

So i'd written one letter, that should have been enough. I had it out of my system. But i still had paper in front of me, and my magazines. I just had to write another letter, just to satisfy the need. I'd mentioned NME in the last letter so why not just inform them of my anger as well. So I did, and within about ten minutes my second letter was born.

And to prove I don't sit on a throne of lies

Here is the review of the El Presidente album a la Q Magazine. I can't prove how many times they played the video on their channel, you'll have to buy the video off them and see how worn it is for yourselves!

Again Click for a larger view of the drivel they come out with, oh and whilst i'm not posting why not check and see if the links work properly. Thanet Life is great, and you can even see a photo of my mate Mike with Dave from Chas & Dave.

The Inaugural First Letter....

So one sunny afternoon when I should have been watching the beginning on the best Test cricket game of all time I decided to start writing my letters.

I was angered into writing my first letter to Q magazine. Not only was it and is it hideously overpriced for a load of toff’s eyes views on music but it completely takes up the market for music magazines. It also tries so desperately hard to keep up with the times, it sometimes can’t decide whether it loves a band, or hates them, but seems to wait for public opinion to take over and then just go with the flow.

One such band it did this to was one of my favourites El Presidente who I had seen live a few weeks earlier. They absolutely played them to death on Q music, before adding that they thought that they were awful. Now I’m sure you’ll all agree with me that if you had your own music video station you wouldn’t spend all day playing songs you didn’t like… unless you have an unhealthy obsession with someone! (like Britney!)

So here it is my first letter, completely uncensored in all its angry glory, and to show I’m not the kind of man to hold a grudge, why not visit their website at http://www.q4music.com/nav?page=q4music its completely free to hunt around, making buying their magazine useless!

The Inaugural First Post....

Hello there,

You're probably here to start off with because you know me, so i'm glad i've just said hello to you and not some random stranger. If you are a random stranger trawling the internet, probably because your job is really boring hello to you too.

Around a month ago, during the first day of the second test against Austrailia to be exact, I started writing letters to people. This was mainly because Q magazine had insulted me greatly with their poor reviewing skills and I was bored.

So after Q I wanted to write more, and it has grown from there, and now after my 20th letter was written today, i've decided to blog them for all to see.

There are a few things that you should know about me before you read on. First of all, I AM NOT A STUDENT, I was a student at one time in my life. I DO NOT HAVE ALOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS, I don't own a T.V or a console of any kind. So when you're sitting doing that, or gardening, or any other hobby, i'm writing letters, its a hobby.

Also I have other projects that I do with my housemates. If the stories of them need telling, I will fill you in on everything.

This site is designed for viewing pleasure, so please don't insult it, just love it, care for it, and take part. I'd love to hear from you.

Most importantly have a nice day, whatever you are doing.

I LOVE YOU

John Kirby

P.S I like it when people reply to me