Onelosthousemate would like to say hello to...

Viewers and readers from around the world, confirmed from the following places...

Marrakech (my favourite of the entire lot!)
Seattle
San Antonio
Providence, Rhode Island
Danderyd, Stockholm
Kuwait, Al Kuwayt
New Delhi
Phoenix, Arizona
Kuala Lumpur
Bergen, Hordaland (Norway)
Duxbury Massachusetts
Cincinnati Ohio

I love you all, as well as the people from Maidstone, Scotland, DeMontfort University, EVERYONE... HAVE A VERY NICE DAY!

onelosthousemate

Letters for photos, an equation not to forget.

Just a quick reminder to everyone that this page is related to my photos page at http://www.photosofonelosthousemate.blogspot.com/

Anyone wishing to write anything about the sites, good or bad is more than welcome, but please point me in the direction of where I can find it! Who knows, if your nice, i'll probably put a bit about you here too, or write you a letter.

Please keep sending photo entrants, leaving comments and all sorts, anything for me to do.

have a nice day

John.

By the way, here is a page that was made about the quest on thanetlife.com

bloody nice bloke, i've also included comments as well, most of them, unfortunately not very nice, i'm glad they don't have sites to promote because it would probably be on 'being horrible', 'my dull life' or 'boat numbers'

Zummo, the people who lie.

When we all went down on our merry way to Margate so see the beauty of Chas and Dave in performance (with Mick on drums) we stopped off in Newport Pagnell.

Lovely place for onelosthousemate photos, not so good for demonstrations of zummo juicing machines, and when i was rejected a demonstration, well, thats where the letter came in.

Also in this letter post, i'd like to show you just how elaborate a machine you can create just to juice a bloody orange, its ridiculous. I really hope something bad happens to Newport Pagnell which entails no human hurt feelings, because they were all lovely and old, apart from the rejection, which still cuts me deep.

Sporting the zummo machine and a lovely Tostao Kwashi Margate FC football shirt is my good friend and fellow suferer, Shaun.

A Clor music video update.

A Clor music video update.

David Franklin - Smells nice, shit logo

Days previous I had taken a trip to Asda and for no particular reason bought a air freshner, made by the lovely people of Pongo aka David Franklin. well a few days later, he was in the presence of a letter from John Kirby.

A Brief look into the world of the reply...

Here it is folks, the first ever reply.

God bless Tunnock's caramel chocolate bars.

A break from Nice or Nasty...

A break was decided upon when i purchased a Mr Men book and realised that their was an address in the book that you could subscribe to.

Well i've always had a few ideas of what to tell the Mr Men world where they should be taking their characters, and this would be my perfect oppotunity.

Please enjoy my following ideas for Mr Men...ness.

A Successful End To The Week

What a week it had been. I had got my first reply via the gift of Tunnocks excellent Caramel bars. http://www.tunnock.co.uk/ I had a close shave with the men at the Leicester Mercury, (they don't deserve a link, after all, it was only a close shave) we had 29 houses reply to our nice or nasty poll and to top it all off everyone said they were nice and I could now instigate the next part of the nice or nasty poll, that being a letter to the council asking for the erection of a sign telling everyone that we at Dulverton Road were 100% nice.

What a nice idea












So anyway, there are some wonderful photos of the week that was and now i will share with you as well my lovely letter to development control of Leicester. Please appreciate the time money and effort going into the drawing of what the sign will look like.

Warning, the content of this letter may shock you.

So, taking a break from all the fun of the fair in the nice or nasty poll, my first package back and almost being in the Leicester Mercury, I decided to go to McDonalds, which was a big mistake.

A mistake for a few reasons, one importantly being that I always say never again, because it tastes so bad, and then i'm in there again next week. The other being that they deserve a nasty letter for being so foul and disgusting.

I decided to pick on the fact that I can never get any decent service, their motto is rubbish, and they class Strawberry milkshakes as unsuitable for vegetarians. YES just strawberry, nothing else.

Well er....

The dirty blogsters won't let me publish photos of me opening my lovely package from Tunnocks.

So you can't see the delight on my face, or how wonderfully crafted this 21st century crystal piece is.

Still the show must go on and I must carry on showing the world all my lovely letters that I have written.

Well co-written, if you consider the fact that nice or nasty was a joint venture, and i'm always listening when it comes to ideas and suggestions, with that in mind don't be shy to email me with an address you think I should be writing to.

onelosthousemate@hotmail.co.uk

here is the other letter that we sent out for our poll...

A mystery package, A knock at the door, and another photocopython

Wednesday came around of the Nice or Nasty poll, and all was going well.

We had a number of entrants by that time, people seemed to be having fun with the whole poll idea and it was making us smile as well.

Well that morning I didn't have to be at work til 12 and I was up early when the postman knocked very early.

There was a very strange looking package for me.

it was almost a perfect square....

and i opened it up....

and it was from Tunnocks....

a lovely letter as well, confirming what the packaging meant, but whats this.... after the blurb of thanks for your interest in the product. Holy s**t. They had only sent me a Tunnocks engraved edinburgh crystal cut whisky glass (and thats quite a mouthful)

I couldn't quite believe that not only had someone read my letter but someone had taken the time to reply and send me something pretty damn awesome.

To be honest I was very very very happy. I text just about everyone, including
people who thought no one would reply in a million years. But then I had a call
downstairs from my housemate Paddy.

"there is someone at the door for you from the Leicester Mercury"

For those of you who don't know, the leicester mercury is leicestershires daily newspaper. Apparently one of the editors lives on my road and was very interested in the nice or nasty poll. So I made my new found friend Gary a cup of tea and told him all the stuff i had been up to recently. He didnt seem to impressed and was convinced i was a no good student. He left saying if he had room it would go in, but i knew really i hadnt sold it to him that well at all.

But Nice and Nasty wasn't about media coverage and being famous for 5 minutes. Or was it? I sent Mike all the info, and within 4 hours we had our next flyer to send out urging people to get in contact with us.

and i was late for work.

FOR SOME REASON AT THE MO IT WON'T LET ME ADD PHOTOS, BE PATIENT

Nice or Nasty ???

Now whilst all this was going on, i.e the letters and photos of onelosthousemate, we were starting to have alot of fun around our good road of the Dulverton variety. This started off with decorating our bin with an old Masters of the Universe figure, which went on to putting tiny toy soldiers on there, which moved to chalk outlines, which moved to making a parking space, which moved to making a small fictional farm.

Now during one savage day before the weekend some little bastard had ruined our bin, and we became highly suspicious of the dirty gypo's living two doors down, who wouldn't? They're gypo's, they probably wanted our bin as a tidy new house.

To sort this matter out we put up a bin sign outside our house telling people of the bad news and how we were asking everyone on monday to retrace their steps so we could find the gits who did it.

Unfortunately no-one owned up to the crime, so we had to think of another way of sussing out who was a good guy and who was a bad guy.

It was then that we came up with quite possibly the best idea in the world.

We would write out a letter to everyone in the street and ask them if they were nice or nasty.

Essentially we were holding the first ever Dulverton Road nice or nasty poll.

We photocopied the letter, put them in nice envelopes and at around quarter to midnight posted all our letters down the street. We were confident that we had so many nice people on the road we couldn't help but not find the dirty bastards who did this to us.

The work of a guerilla / gorilla ?

So who would have thought that my writing ways would rub off first on Alan? Step forward you have just won yourself a weekend in beautiful skegness.

So he wants to write a letter does he? Well i'll have you know I INVENTED LETTER WRITING!!!

And you don't even want to send it, you want to hide it away at the end of the day in the middle of all the quiz sheets for it never to be seen again.

You want that letter to not forfill its destiny.... well i am a cunning man, a man of many disguises. A man who can pull paper out of a bin. I am like a subtle elephant. Because elephants never forget and I knew.

I would send Alans letter off to o2 with him complaining. I would add it to my letters because I was sending it.

All i had to do was find o2's address, and decifer what Alan was saying.

See for yourselves.

The Future is Bright(er) the Future rhymes with Orange.

Feeling proud with myself that I was on my way to a record deal, as well as being in my first music video I now felt that there was some serious money to be made.

I was to use my lyricism as a mode of making money, and who better to exploit then a company who apparently have no single word that rhymes with them. What a challenge.

Well the fictional story goes that I spent weeks in the studio with some of my a-list friends, working on words that rhymed with Orange (as in the phone company). After those weeks, i emerged with some of the best work of my life knowing that as soon as orange read my letter, they would be sold and I would be rolling in it.

The true story is that I wrote it in a pub on a sunday with a hangover still hanging around from the night before. I had about a 3 minute convo with words that might rhyme and then decided to write my letter anyway. Knowing that there would be no hope in hell that Orange would ever get back in contact with me ever, ever..... ever.

So you've just starred in your first music video...

what do you do?

wait for the royalties to roll in, the celeb parties and Jodie Marsh claiming you're shit in bed in the people on a sunday?

NO you write to EMI asking them for a record deal. It must be a pretty easy decision to make for them as well. I've just starred in my first video, I wrote parody songs for demon fm and performed them too. I won a dancing competition in year six.

In short I was on the up. I was a rising star, in heat magazine I would be top of the hot-o-meter.

I really needed to sell this idea to EMI, so I put on my serious hat, thought about it seriously and then began

To the lovely people at EMI, (I was onto a winner)

Some have letterness thrust upon them...

So....

I'm trawling the internet as usual and I am looking as I always do at the Clor site, on a daily basis, when its there in big writing.

No... there it really is in big writing, Clor want people to send them a photo of themselves for their next music video.

I John Kirby, of mediocre onelosthousemate coverage. The famous man who was once interviewed for BBC radio kent and Radio Mercury, was now being asked to be in a music video.

I had now hit the big time. I just couldn't not do it, especially as the day before I had done passport photos for myself to get a new passport. Well this was a much better cause.

So in went the photo, in went a nice accompaning letter, and another letter was off in the post, knowing full well that I was going to be in a video. What a prize that would make for the photo's!

So here is my short and sweet letter to Clor, if only i could have put the photo of me in the photocopier the right way, sometimes i can be such a nonce.